Thanks, Debbie. I think a lot of widowed people are afraid to admit that feeling because they think they’ll be locked up (and I actually know one who was, temporarily). It’s a pretty common feeling when you’re in the midst of it all. Appreciate your comment, and glad you got through it.
Beautifully said, Trevy! It was the process of dealing with death that got to me more than losing my beloved. The forms, the bureaucracy, the endless explaining.... I just wanted to run from it all and find a quiet space to just be me. Which also probably explains why I didn't date or try to find a new partner. I wanted to have time to learn who this solo me was and is. Turns out I like me as I am and am not interested in sharing this solo life with anyone else. So I did find what I really wanted and I didn't have to fill out a dating profile to do it. :)
Thanks, Susan. I can understand how you felt. I think it depends on how much alone time you've already had in your life at the point of being widowed. It's wonderful you've taken to your new path so well❤️
That's an interesting thought. I hadn't considered that it partly depends on how much alone time you've had in your life at the point of being widowed, but I suspect you're right. For me, that would be zero, zip, nada. I married right out of college, divorced a few years later, and remarried about a year after that, so when I was widowed, I had essentially been married my whole adult life!
Interesting. I can see how the newness of living solo could feel really good. No one to consult or compromise with about decisions. No one else's preferences to consider. There are good things about both kinds of living ❤️
Absolutely. No choice is wrong unless it hurts you! I didn't know myself at all. And now that I do, I don't need to live with someone else. I like this solo life. :)
Your path sounds just like mine. I am happily remarried. I chose love in a way I had never done before. I think it started with choosing me first… for the first time ever.
Exactly: choosing ourselves first leads to a lasting relationship. For most of us who are gender female or who identify as female though, it takes a lifetime to learn that! Good for you. :)
I think there is a notion that you have to be healed to move forward. As you know you never heal from grief. It’s the quiet companion you learn to live with. And I realized that two things can be true. You can learn to love again while still grieving. That lesson was the greatest gift.
You have helped so many Trevy with your book on Grief.. not an easy thing for any of us to go through as nothing can prepare you for it . So proud of what you have accomplished ❤️
Good concept, that truth thing!
Plus, I'm a really bad liar, so there's that.
Good!
As a fellow widow, I totally relate to the jaywalk story. I don’t feel that way any more, but there was a time. Well told.
Thanks, Debbie. I think a lot of widowed people are afraid to admit that feeling because they think they’ll be locked up (and I actually know one who was, temporarily). It’s a pretty common feeling when you’re in the midst of it all. Appreciate your comment, and glad you got through it.
Beautifully said, Trevy! It was the process of dealing with death that got to me more than losing my beloved. The forms, the bureaucracy, the endless explaining.... I just wanted to run from it all and find a quiet space to just be me. Which also probably explains why I didn't date or try to find a new partner. I wanted to have time to learn who this solo me was and is. Turns out I like me as I am and am not interested in sharing this solo life with anyone else. So I did find what I really wanted and I didn't have to fill out a dating profile to do it. :)
Thanks, Susan. I can understand how you felt. I think it depends on how much alone time you've already had in your life at the point of being widowed. It's wonderful you've taken to your new path so well❤️
That's an interesting thought. I hadn't considered that it partly depends on how much alone time you've had in your life at the point of being widowed, but I suspect you're right. For me, that would be zero, zip, nada. I married right out of college, divorced a few years later, and remarried about a year after that, so when I was widowed, I had essentially been married my whole adult life!
Interesting. I can see how the newness of living solo could feel really good. No one to consult or compromise with about decisions. No one else's preferences to consider. There are good things about both kinds of living ❤️
Absolutely. No choice is wrong unless it hurts you! I didn't know myself at all. And now that I do, I don't need to live with someone else. I like this solo life. :)
Your path sounds just like mine. I am happily remarried. I chose love in a way I had never done before. I think it started with choosing me first… for the first time ever.
Exactly: choosing ourselves first leads to a lasting relationship. For most of us who are gender female or who identify as female though, it takes a lifetime to learn that! Good for you. :)
I think there is a notion that you have to be healed to move forward. As you know you never heal from grief. It’s the quiet companion you learn to live with. And I realized that two things can be true. You can learn to love again while still grieving. That lesson was the greatest gift.
I think sometimes people wait to stop missing their person before they permit themselves to love again. I agree that's not how it works!
I miss him every day. That will never die.
I think one of the biggest shifts in life is the moment you stop asking everyone else who you should be.
The noise gets quieter.
And little by little you start hearing your own voice again.
Very well said. Thank you.
You have helped so many Trevy with your book on Grief.. not an easy thing for any of us to go through as nothing can prepare you for it . So proud of what you have accomplished ❤️
Thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️