Switching Teams

Seeing you've chosen the wrong side

Have you ever changed your mind to such a degree that you jumped ship and joined the other side? I have. It helps me now because I understand a little about people who are self-righteous. We are so certain until something changes us and then we’re sitting on the other side of the table thinking, “Who was I?”

Photo by Pedro Lima on Unsplash

Religion

I’ve never been religious but I know plenty of people who are. Or were. One woman I won’t name (but I don’t think she’d mind my sharing this bit of her story) was swept into a cult-like religion while still in high school. An influential adult in her life encouraged it and, at sixteen, what else do we know but to trust our guiding adults? She married into this religion, traded her identity for it along with her work and passions. When she could no longer take the physical abuse that came from her marriage to one of the cult men, she fled him and all that came with that life. There was no other choice. This was not a life she could hold a little of and reject the rest. If she left him, she was leaving the religion, the cult, the friendships, the protection, and any of her family she’d persuaded to also join. No one was allowed contact with her once she left or they’d also be ostracized. Her sister was lost to her.

She made it through eventually and found gentle new love, but never again that sense of community. She never got back the lost family either. Stories like this are so curious to me. I have questions, but it’s rude to ask most of them. This was her big tragedy in life and it wasn’t fair to ask her to expose the soul of it just to satisfy my curiosity. But the part that amazes me the most is that once she got safely through it and could look back over the situation with perspective, there were still things she missed about this behemoth that stole her life.

How do you miss any of that?

Photo by Parker Johnson on Unsplash

Politics

Today what we see a lot of when it comes to jumping ship is political. Now that there’s no tolerance for differences of opinion, we are more squeezed into a lane. I jump shipped into mine long ago. When I was young and we lived in a different world, I was as influenced by someone in my life about politics as my friend was in religion. Back then I didn’t know, didn’t really care, didn’t pay much attention to our government or political system. I slept through history class and never had a civics’ lesson. My focus was more on all the questions of my own life. The larger world seemed too far from me. So I listened to stories from others that seemed to make sense, especially when they were applied to whatever personal struggles I was having. If the government could be held responsible for those (like the self-employment tax I could never afford to pay), and a simple vote on the correct team would fix it all, I could pick a side. Especially if I didn’t read much further. If I had, I might have understood that my vote would never reduce my own taxes, only those who didn’t need the break.

Once the influence was gone and I had time and interest to learn on my own, I jumped ship pretty quickly. And so now I see how people reach their political opinions even if I don’t agree, just as my friend did when she noticed there were good things that came with the religious life she ran from. That is actually a benefit of seeing both perspectives. In a world full of hateful division, you can’t help but notice there’s still humanity in most humans, no matter their team.

If you’re an animal lover, that’s an easy place to see what I mean. There are good animal-loving people in both political parties and it’s hard not to see them differently in that light.

But for those who haven’t had time or interest to put in a lot of their own research, there are a few things that can make a person quickly choose a side that really should not have the influence they do. Looking back, some of these things influenced me unduly:

• Cultural identification (if you lean more WASP or hippy or blue collar or scholarly)

• Feeling unfairly judged by a party and choosing the other team because of it

• Political grooming by someone close to you

• Not wanting to be viewed socially by the distasteful behavior displayed by a party

• Going along with the majority of your inner circle

As a young woman, I got a very loud message that it was my duty to vote. On election day, older people would ask, “Did you vote?” with a breath of anticipatory judgment. I couldn’t vote in my state then without first picking a team. When I went to my voting place, the first question they wanted to know was did I want the “R” ballot or the “D” ballot. I felt like I was back in elementary school lined up for kickball teams that nobody wanted me on because I was lousy at it. That’s about how prepared I was to vote too.

I just shouldn’t have done it. Neither should anyone who doesn’t fully feel a strong conviction that they’ve come to through their own research and study. Politics and government are not the same as sports. The consequences are much larger and affect an entire population. If you don’t know, aren’t prepared, don’t care, then just don’t vote. I know we had a lot of that in the U.S. this last election but not necessarily by people who didn’t know; they were just intentionally stepping aside as an act of defiance. That’s not the same thing. None of the reasons in the bullet point list above are good enough to prepare you to vote. If you’ve done your research by reading thoroughly on both sides of the big issues and come away feeling differently than your inner circle, you can take care of yourself by voting your conscience and keeping it quiet. That’s why we have secret ballots.

One thing I do wish would change in the U.S. in our voting systems is the ability to vote for a list of policies you agree with rather than a name or a party. People can misrepresent themselves. What they stand for is what you want to know, not the personality. It wouldn’t be that hard to include a bulleted list on a voting ballot. Is anyone with power reading that idea? If not, can you make them?

I’ve never been a big team player. I was raised in a culture of independence and I don’t step easily into a team uniform. I’m not going to defy my own logic and principles just to go along with a bunch of flag-waving people I know. That means I don’t always agree with all the policies accepted by people voting on the same-colored ballot. And that means I can see humanity on the other team too. I might think they’re seriously wrong about their vote, but I can at least understand how they formed an opinion.

Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash

Looking for connection

Whether politics or religion, we are searching for each other. We seek out groups where we belong. We want to be in the center, safely surrounded by mutual trust and belief. Maybe we are so needy for this connection that we are willing to splash into a big pool of unknown depths in order to have it instantly. But you’re likely to find your way to the shallow end eventually, seeking an out. Genuine connection is a slow build, and it happens one person at a time.

Everything is temporary

It's still important not to lose our humanity in troubled times. And my favorite topic—mortality—brings a bright spot to all this political strife we’re living through. Remember, this is all temporary. Whatever comes after this life will hopefully be so enlightened we won’t need politics. It’ll just be right. Deep breath, patience, and trust we’ll get through this.

Thanks for reading.

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