Looking for Dopamine
Do we need to feel good every second?
We’ve developed a constant need to feel good. There are dopamine triggers available to us at every moment, raising our need for more like an addiction. Texts, social media posts, ratings and reviews, likes, cookies, chips, coffee, booze, new episodes, invitations, plans, dividends. All of it takes us further from what surely feeds our soul (the place where genuine satisfaction seems to live).
How do you calm the urge?
Drinks or Sports?
I read a study about Scandinavian children who were once among the most addicted teenagers in the world. After a certain age, they were hooked on drugs and alcohol. Someone decided to tackle the problem, and they were so successful that the same region now boasts the healthiest teenagers across the globe. This seems like a miracle of problem solving that we could all learn from.
So, what happened?
Pretty simple, really. They taught kids to redirect their urges by organizing them into healthy activities that were also fun. Instead of reaching for booze, they danced. Instead of using drugs, they played sports. The adults leading this experiment simply showed them they had choices and that some of those choices actually felt a lot better than others. I suspect that an important detail in this experiment that wasn’t mentioned is that someone else did the planning for these kids. It’s much easier to just take a drink than it is to organize a group of people to do something fun with you.
Imagine if you applied this to your own life. Instead of keeping the habit of an afternoon candy or glass of wine, or staring at your phone, you considered other options that both felt good and were good for you. But is this too easy? Because we knew better when we started the habit, and that knowledge wasn’t enough to stop developing the behavior. Also, as adults, we’re the only ones in charge of these decisions for ourselves.
I think what makes change hard is we take a militant approach with it. We think it must be difficult or boring if it’s the right choice. So we diet with a plate of carrots, or quit smoking by holding our breath until the pain subsides. No wonder we’re not successful. If we’re dopamine addicts, maybe the better choice is to search for a hit in something we actually like, something that’s good for us. As my mother used to say, you have to get high on life. I bet you can come up with a whole list of things you enjoy that don’t have negative consequences.
When I try this though, it doesn’t always work. I have to report that when given the choice between eating a chocolate or going for a second walk, the chocolate often wins. Laziness? Ease? I’m not sure. Sometimes I go for the second walk and then have the chocolate after. The reason this worries me is not the calories or willpower, but the steady urge for dopamine hits.
Can’t I just be?
Those of you smugly thinking you don’t have this problem should reconsider if you’re reading this on your phone. My phone is filled with potential dopamine hits. The Internet in general is. And I wonder if that’s the reason the dopamine craving seems larger today for us all.
The Fleas of Life
The trouble with the urge for something that feels good is there’s a lot I want to get done that isn’t fun. Many times when I set out to accomplish a task, I’m suddenly thinking of a dopamine hit instead. It doesn’t matter what type of hit. It’s not about the source (I don’t think) so much as my brain’s desire for fun in place of all the things that make up regular life.
This distraction-seeking seems like it’s gotten stronger with age, and I would have expected the opposite. I have memories of being youthful and running around accomplishing things, keeping a squeaky-clean house, exercising, and working, reading, socializing. I remember my young self as nearly perfect in this department. I suspect that my memory is what’s faulty though. Now a day zips by and I feel as though I forgot to start it. I’m probably not as bad as I’m making it seem, and maybe this memory of an efficient youth is a bit warped.
My point in sharing this concern is that I wonder if we are all being more affected by technology than we realize. The phone can be a real time swallower. Once I found a setting on my phone that told me how much time I’d spent actively using it in a day and the result was pretty frightening.
It seems like the more we look at our phones, the more we want to look at our phones. I find myself reaching for it just to check—I don’t know what—while I’m watching a movie. I don’t always follow through, but I have noticed the urge to. Oddly, television doesn’t feel the same. More television watching doesn’t make me want more and more of it.
But maybe the phone, and the television, and the Internet, and the chocolate, and even tracking horrible news all fill some kind of distraction-dopamine need that we feed into a monster. I know the solutions. More time in nature. More time spent with people in person rather than text. More exercise and reading and art. Those things all feel good. But is that also a dopamine hit? Because it’s a different feeling entirely than the electronic urges.
For young people who were born to technology, it’s probably hard to understand this because they’ve never known otherwise. But then I think of those Swedish teens out having fun together instead of sitting around doing drugs. Maybe they didn’t know what it was like before, but once they tried a change, they were happier.
My watch just vibrated on my wrist with a notification, and I automatically picked up my phone to see what it was. I’ve already forgotten now because the notification was meaningless but it was successful in getting my attention.
I’m a little worried about us. There’s so much good that comes from technology. It has changed my life in many positive ways. I don’t want it to be something I’ve got to guard against, but I’m afraid it might be. Like most things in life, balance is necessary.
I hope this balance comes easily for you. And I thank you for using part of your technology time reading here with me. Let me know if you’ve noticed a change in your habits lately that doesn’t always feel good. You get to design your mortal days with awareness. I’ll be back next week.
Trevy, Thank you for your thoughts on what I think are really important concerns to consider, especially because we tend to consider technology distractions as being more an issue for younger folks. But maybe those who grew up with technology all around are learning to regulate their exposure. I find myself longing for more time to nourish my spirit these days, and for me, that means time outdoors in the nearby wild (an untended park or a wild-ish river trail rather than say, a manicured lawn and garden setting) or time spent without the distraction of laptop or phone. I don't have a watch or a tv, so that probably places me far outside the mainstream of Americans these days, but it makes me much less prone to electronic distractions. My word for the year is simplicity, which I think reflects my need for more restful quiet! And BTW, I chuckled at your example about chocolate versus walk. I am firmly in the camp of having both. Chocolate is an essential nutrient, isn't it? (Hah!) Blessings to you as you search for balance in these times.
I also enjoy walks in "real nature" but can't always get there easily. But I'd suggest that practicing deep awareness while walking anywhere can be rewarding. I find that one I stop the mental dialog of 'back here; same old same old' it is possible to look at things differently. And that opens up a whole new walk.
The crazy part, and truly sad, is when I pass people walking who are staring into their phones as they go along. Often with a sad unobserved dog along with them!
But back to awareness: i think that's the key to forging better days.
And don't get fooled by memory: you may think you were more together when you were younger, but you seem better than that now. The past really is selective memory, and gone to boot.